Underworld: Blood Wars

I had totally forgotten that they’d made another one of these…until it magically appeared on the DVR – thanks, husband. You are the best at fulfilling all my “vampires fucking werewolves” needs. Even though the film started with a brief “Previously on…” summary of the first four films, I had a difficult time following the […]

Underworld: Awakening

Is it sad that this is the best film that we could think of to see on ‘date night’? Seriously, my husband and I hadn’t seen a film in a theater together since The Dark Knight. We just don’t get out much. I previously complained that the first, second and third Underworld films were boring. […]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Someone over in Hollywood must be reading my reviews, because they got rid of Selene and made a prequel all about Lucien. That being said, Rise of the Lycans was still fucking boring. I was able to paint my toenails and load the dishwasher without really missing anything. There wasn’t much of a plot; Vampire […]

Lost Boys: The Tribe

Finally, the not so greatly anticipated sequel to The Lost Boys makes its basic cable debut! That’s right, this sequel is not even good enough to be straight to HBO or Skinemax – it went straight to TNT. That’s not even a real channel – all they show are Angel and Charmed reruns! I had […]

Vegas Vampires

Every once in a while, my husband will surprise me by DVRing horrible films for me to review. With a title like ‘Vegas Vampires,’ there’s no way he could pass this one up – it had to be total shit. In fact, it’s so shitty that I had to narrow it down to a top […]

I Am Legend

Very few actors could carry almost an entire film on their shoulders, but Will Smith is definitely one of them. He’s on his own for 80-85% of the film and he owns it. If I had bothered to watch Cast Away, I could compare the two – but I think I am safe assuming that […]

Underworld: Evolution

Yet another film starring Kate Beckinsale in a corset, fighting vampires and werewolves and various hybrids of the two. Even though it’s the sequel to Underworld, it had enough in common with Van Helsing to confuse the hell out of me and make me have to think real hard about what had happened in the […]

Blade: Trinity

I’m always up for vampire ass-kicking, especially when accompanied by a techno soundtrack. The creatively named Blade: Trinity is the third (and probably not last) installment in the series. Blade is yet again ambushed in his hideout – doesn’t this happen in both the other movies, too? Whistler is yet again killed – although I […]

Bloodsuckers

The Sci Fi Channel strikes again…with another cheesy B movie so bad it’s almost good. Note that I said almost. Yes, this time around, the Sci Fi premiere of the week is just plain bad. Jarringly bad. When I use the phrase “jarringly bad,” I am referring to the strange sensation of watching a movie […]

Vampirella

My husband and I have a contest of sorts going – nothing official, but from time to time, we record movies on cable for later viewing. The theme lately has been ‘who can find the worst possible movie to force the other to sit through.’ Although he had recently become the front runner by choosing […]