September 19, 2005

Honestly, I expect more “wild” from a film with “Gone Wild” in the title. Don’t get me wrong, there was boobage…just not good boobage. There’s nothing wild about fake middle aged boobs or nipples-only pre-teen boobs. Frankly, I’m disappointed in the makers of the Girls Gone Wild films. They would have done well to stick with college girls with low self esteem, instead of branching out into the world of killer scarecrows.

What? You mean to tell me that Scarecrow Gone Wild isn’t the newest in the series of drunken sluts showing their knockers and experimenting with bisexuality? Well color me embarrassed! Turns out that Scarecrow Gone Wild is the third in a series of films about a Scarecrow who avenges the victims of nerdism, primarily those victimized by fraternity hazing pranks. Wow – that’s a pretty specific thing to avenge. Did the ACLU help the Scarecrow pick a disenfranchised group to avenge – or did he think of it himself?

The Scarecrow was fucking cheesy. It looked like they bought the mask at Spencer’s half off after Halloween. And he didn’t have a Scarecrow hat! And there were NO Wizard of Oz jokes WTF?

The script is pretty formulaic – scarecrow kills a bunch of kids to avenge the sins of the generation before him. I’m pretty sure it was a rejected Smallville script, because the scene in which the jocks “crucified” the nerd in the middle of the cornfield is *just* like the pilot of Smallville. Wait – did I just admit that I watch Smallville? Fuck. Moving along…

I’m by no means an expert on US geography, but is there ANYWHERE in this country that has cornfields in walking distance of a beach? Within 20 miles even? Because that Scarecrow goes straight from the cornfield to bust up an atrocious campfire singalong the next day. I guess it’s possible that he drove, since he later mows down a victim with the coach’s F-150, we see that he DOES know how to drive. But what would he have driven? A tractor? Maybe he rode a bike?

Ken Shamrock is supposedly the star of the film. He used to be a WWF Wrestler, although I’ve never heard of him. I guess since wrestling isn’t real, they don’t have any rules against juicing and in fact, likely encourage it. Nice. Too bad he didn’t go all ‘roid rage on the Scarecrow. That would have been frickin’ awesome.

This movie SUCKED. Cornman – even though it has way lower production values – is a way better example of a film set in a cornfield.

Year – 2004
Rating – R
Runtime – 90 minutes
Genre – Horror?
Director(s) – Brian Katkin
Writer(s) – Brian Katkin
Actor(s) – Ken Shamrock, Matthew Linhardt, Samantha Aisling, Caleb Roehrig, David Zelina
BOB Rating – ZERO BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Mama, it's feeding time!" - Jim (Eric Forte)