June 22, 2000

Cleavage!

I saw this when it originally came out in the theaters and I remember leaving the theater vaguely disappointed. After renting it, I still can’t put my finger on why. It was beautifully filmed, it had a decent cast and an amazing director. This is definitely a case where the individual parts are greater than the sum of the whole. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it a lot, but maybe I was expecting too much…

I just wanted to bitchslap Johnny Depp. He was such a pussy! Christina Ricci was okay, but I wanted to slap the simpering little bitch. I also wanted to slap Casper van Dien for having such a bad haircut….Maybe that’s what I didn’t like about it – I felt like slapping every single person in the whole damn thing!

I can’t decide if Lisa Marie is the most beautiful or most repulsive person I have ever seen. I wish I looked like her though.

Christopher Walken is the ugliest man in showbiz. It was resourceful to have scenes of the Headless Horseman, pre-decapitation, just to showcase Walken’s ugliness. It would be shame to waste all that ugly on a character that doesn’t even have a head!

Maybe if I watch it again, I’ll be able to figure out what was so disappointing.

  

Year – 1999
Rating – R
Runtime – 105 minutes
Genre – Johnny Depp/Tim Burton
Director(s) – Tim Burton
Writer(s) – Kevin Yagher, Andrew Kevin Walker
Actor(s) – Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Christopher Walken, Miranda Richardson, Jeffrey Jones
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Villainy wears many masks, none of which are more dangerous than virtue." - Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp)