Spider-Man 3

May 29, 2007

So the Black Spider-Man suit is like Axe Body Spray? It puts a spring in your step, makes you irresistible to women and worst of all…gives you finger guns?!?!?! I fucking HATE finger guns.

Kirsten Dunst’s voice double was ridiculous. It didn’t sound like her in the least bit. No wonder she got shit-canned.

Harry was better looking with half his face burned off. James Franco is just too smarmy and frat boy looking, but scar tissue and a wonky eye adds character.

Topher Grace was inspired casting as Eddie Brock. The best moment in the whole film is when he asks Jesus to kill Peter Parker – just the right amount of evil, sarcastic and pathetic. He must have been working out for YEARS in preparation for this film, because there wasn’t a sign of skinny Eric Foreman left. He might well have a movie career ahead of him beyond asinine romantic comedies like Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. I’d like to see his evil side in a non comic book movie.

I got sick of the Mary Jane drama really fucking quick. My husband said it was like that in the comics too – he apparently spent more time fighting with Mary Jane than with the villains. How in the world do adolescent boys put up with that crap? I just can’t imagine little boys reading issue after issue of a comic book that repeatedly deals with the same relationship bullshit, over and over again. It’s near impossible to get a heterosexual male of any age to talk about his own relationships, but he’ll read 100 issues of a comic dealing with the same crap he won’t deal with in his own life? I just don’t understand it…

Bruce Campbell’s obligatory cameo was his best yet…and the longest so far. His cache is rising again, what with the Old Spice commercials.. He’s hungry like the wolf. Maybe Sam will actually let him play a villain in the next one?

My husband said it was “…by far, the crappiest of the three,” but I thought it was on par with the second one, maybe a little more preachy and meandering. I could have done without the evil Peter dance scene. It made me feel very uncomfortable and I started squirming around in my seat…mostly because I was afraid he was gonna start singing “Fever” himself. So I assume they’re gonna make another one. I’ve changed my mind and am hoping that they do include Firestar and Iceman this time, now that Harry is out of the way. Spider-Man needs some new friends.