January 19, 2012

The ‘new’ Karate Kid was so annoying that I started rooting for him to get his narrow ass kicked.

Yes, I already know I am a horrible person. I am well aware that I have tiny little rock where my soul should be…my husband actually told me so the other day. But seriously folks, how annoying was that kid? He was a whiny little bitch. He was so much of a bitch that 3/4 of the way through the film, my three year old kept asking “What’s that girl doing?” Yeah, she watched almost the whole movie thinking The Karate Kid was a girl. No matter how many times we told her that he was a boy, she was insistent, “No! That’s a girl!”

Now, I’m not going to go into a long tirade negatively comparing this remake to the original. Frankly, most of my objections would be based in nostalgia, not actual merit. The first movie was cheesy and full of stereotypes. If anything, the remake is more disturbing due to the use of younger kids. High school kids beating the shit out of each other is fairly normal, but showing the younger kids took balls. I’m wondering if that’s why the setting was shifted to China – no expectation of anti-bullying campaigns?

I do want to point out that “Wax on, wax off” is a lot catchier than “Jacket on, jacket off.”

I didn’t have a problem with Jackie Chan either. It’s not like he sold out or anything – have you seen The Tuxedo? Or The Medallion? This isn’t the worst film Chan has been in by a long shot. I do have to admit that I had trouble understanding his drunken, sad story. I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. The whole scene reminded me of Rambo’s soliloquy in First Blood…

So…I am not really sure if I liked this remake or hated it. Within the next few weeks, it’s likely that I won’t even remember having watched it or even writing this review. Ultimately, this film will be remembered as forgettable.

Year – 2010
Rating – PG
Runtime – 140 minutes
Genre – Shitting on your Childhood
Director(s) – Harald Zwart
Writer(s) – Christopher Murphey, Robert Mark Kamen
Actor(s) – Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson, Wenwen Han, Zhenwei Wang
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Being still and doing nothing are two very different things." - Mr. Han (Jackie Chan)