The Mummy (2017)

A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Jul 1, 2018 at 4:55pm PDT I’ve never tried so hard to NOT watch a movie. I played games on my phone, ate cinnamon toast, took a dump…yet I still ended up watching too much of this abysmal film. They thought they were starting a Universal Monsters extended […]

Carrie (2013)

Well, what’s the point of this now? The original is a classic, though not untouchable…there was a regrettable sequel in 1999 and then a mediocre TV remake on 2002. So what are they doing here? It’s not horrible I guess. ChloĆ« Grace Moretz was an interesting choice to play Carrie. She’s generally regarded as a […]

Wrath of the Titans

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show – Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that’s it…so how do you make multiple movies about […]

21 Jump Street

All the little teen girls can have Zac Efron. Robert Pattison and Taylor Lautner do nothing for me either. Ryan Gosling…again, not interested. But when it comes to Channing Tatum, I do understand…there’s something about him that makes me want to rip his picture out of magazines and plaster them all over my cubicle. It’s […]

Piranha (2010)

If I had actually watched Piranha in 3D, I would have been traumatized for life. It’s not like I’m a pussy or something…as far as movies go, I am the complete opposite of a pussy. (Wait – is the opposite of a pussy…a dick? Am I a movie dick???) Anyway,Piranha makes Saw look like Romper […]

The Karate Kid (2010)

The ‘new’ Karate Kid was so annoying that I started rooting for him to get his narrow ass kicked. Yes, I already know I am a horrible person. I am well aware that I have tiny little rock where my soul should be…my husband actually told me so the other day. But seriously folks, how […]

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Oh, Tim Burton, you’re like a tampon…when you do your job well, I love you…but when you fuck up, I hate you and I swear I’ll never trust you again…. Visually stunning as Alice in Wonderland was, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was watching twenty pounds of shit in a ten pound bag. […]

The A-Team

Hollywood today is obsessed with remakes. It’s an unfortunate fact that the things I loved as a child are going to be trotted out with shiny new duds and flashy special effects, and will be effective or ineffective based entirely on when they are released and what gets thrown into the mix, and not on […]

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

I didn’t have any nightmares…so disappointing. I was looking forward to waking up screaming in terror, as opposed to how I usually wake up screaming on a Sunday morning…screaming at my kids for trying to kill each other over the kitchen play set. I’m NOT the type to get nightmares from scary movies, at least […]

Scooby-Doo

The latest movie that my children have become addicted to…may well turn them into potheads. The Luna Ghost looks like the Graffix logo. The scene with smoke coming out of the Mystery Machine (a slow reveal shows sausage cooking), ‘Pass the Dutchie’ playing in the background. Shaggy saying that he stays away from hydroponics. Shaggy […]