The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

January 5, 2002

Having never read the books, I can say with confidence that the film was pretty good. Okay, I read the Hobbit in 8th grade (didn’t everyone?), so I was really feeling that 5 second flashback that showed Bilbo finding the ring, but other than that, I had absolutely no expectations going into it. So don’t expect my review to be 7500 word essay on how the book was better than the film, because it probably wasn’t.

Even though Russ and I were about to piss blood by the time the film was over, it was time well spent. I doubt I would be able to say the same thing if I had bothered to read the book, so I probably never will. I heard a rumor that the first book gets interesting somewhere around page 165…not a shining testimonial. I guess I am just not the fantasy type, unlike Russ, who doesn’t read a book unless there is an elf or some shit on the front.

A few parts of the film were slow, but it wasn’t too bad. I could have done with more character development, but there wasn’t really time for it. I would have liked more background on the rest of the Fellowship, especially Legolas. Since every single elf looked the same at the Council of Elrond, what made him so special?

There was not enough Gollum! Dammit, I wanted more Gollum. He was the best thing about the animated version!

I am a bit concerned for Elijah Wood though. I really hope that this doesn’t do for his career what the Star Wars films did for Mark Hamill. It would suck to be typecast as a Hobbit for the rest of your life. Maybe he will at least luck out and get to make a couple of pornos like Mark did.

Am I the only one who noticed the homo-erotic relationship between the two extra hobbits, Pip and Merry?

Well, I guess I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs for eleven months until they release the next one. I really want to know what happens – though not bad enough to actually sit down and read the book.