The Wizard of Oz (3D)

Never before have I written a second review of a film. Not so much out of pride or any kind of belief that my reviews exist as the “final word” on the worth of a film…it’s more because I’m kind of lazy. (Or quite possibly…really fucking lazy.) The 3D re-release of The Wizard of Oz […]

Oz the Great and Powerful

So did anyone else notice that Oz the Great and Powerful basically has the same plot as Army of Darkness? No? Just me? Think about it. A man is whisked away by a cyclone/swirling vortex and transported to another time and place. The locals immediately recognize the newcomer as their prophesied Savior. At first, the […]

Wrath of the Titans

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show – Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that’s it…so how do you make multiple movies about […]

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I’m torn by this movie. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it…but I don’t know that it absolutely HAD to be made. Let me be clear, I don’t remember much shit from reading The Hobbit. I remember Gollum and I remember big fucking spiders. I do remember that half the dwarves die, so I am […]

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The hobit was a 5 star production. It was a kind of scary movie. But I loved it. I think you should go see it. Now don’t get me wrong but the hobit is 60 years before Lord of the Rings. There are 3 wizards and their names are Sayramon, Gandalf and Rajagast. There are […]

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Oh, Tim Burton, you’re like a tampon…when you do your job well, I love you…but when you fuck up, I hate you and I swear I’ll never trust you again…. Visually stunning as Alice in Wonderland was, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was watching twenty pounds of shit in a ten pound bag. […]

Return to Oz

There are few things scarier to a child than forced medical procedures – anything that requires being strapped down is bad, bad news. Even before I was aware of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I knew that shock therapy was fucked up. Far scarier than anything that happened in Oz, Auntie Em dropping Dorothy […]

Clash of the Titans (2010)

I was nervous as the film started to play…am I about to see a gritty, exciting update to one of my favorite childhood films? Or is my childhood about to be shit all over? Ultimately, the answer wasn’t clear. There were things I loved AND things I hated about the remake. What did I LOVE […]

The Golden Compass

You’d think I would be standing in line to see a movie that supposedly promotes atheism in children and is condemned by the Catholic Church. The problem with the Golden Compass is that it tries so hard to not piss anyone off and be a family film that it totally misses the point of the […]

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Sick of watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I finally introduced my son to the psychedelic 70s version starring Gene Wilder and a bunch of green and orange midgets. Needless to say, he was less than impressed. He actually paid attention during the beginning of the film, which to me is the most boring part. […]