Tromeo and Juliet

February 11, 2000

Someday, I will work for TROMA.

I have been trying to see this film for years, at least since I saw the preview for it in front of Redneck Zombies. Every time I tried to rent it, I was thwarted. Somebody stole it from the Video Update, then Video Update burned down. Then Rhett and I rented it from Starlight, but we never got around to watching it, we watched Jerry Springer “I Married a Horse” (yes, it is as bad as it sounds) and Bi-Claudius (rancid bisexual porn). Finally, Sean rented the DVD and we all went to his place…

You gotta love any film that has Lemmy as the narrator. Shakespeare himself would have approved, what with all the sex (lesbians, incest and gay priests, oh my!), drugs, amputations, penis monsters, car chases, piercings and the list goes on and on. Yes, I did say penis monster. I cannot explain it without sounding dumb, but trust me, penis monster is cool. We all laughed ourselves silly while we were watching it – and we were all stone cold sober! Imagine that!

For some reason, the sex scenes were all really hot. Troma always has plenty of T & A, but for once, the sex scenes were erotic and tastefully done (Well, I guess that’s a relative term. You can’t really put “tasteful” and “Troma” in a sentence together…) What I mean to say is, they really turned me on – especially the scene in the plexiglass box. It gave me interesting dreams the next night, to be sure. The lesbian scenes with Juliet and Ness, the chick with all that shit in her face, were also pretty neato. Just ask Sean…

I got the soundtrack as well. It is sweet, lots of punk and aggro music. There is an Assponys song, Mr. Superlove, that I really dig on. Yeah, and I just wanted to say asspony. Again? ASSPONY! There are also dialogue bits, so I can hear Murray Martini tell off Tyrone Capulet any time I want…

I want to see it again. Again! AGAIN!!!