March 1, 2013

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show – Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that’s it…so how do you make multiple movies about Perseus, who really only had one story?

Hollywood’s answer to that question is to have Perseus standing in for Theseus and fighting a Minotaur. Let’s add a Chimera, just for shits and giggles. And how about having Perseus playing Odysseus and fighting a bunch of Cyclopses? (I don’t think that’s a word – is the plural of Cyclops…Cyclopi?) The one positive thing about this film is solving the Io/Andromeda problem from the first movie within the first five minutes. But that caused even more problems with the plot. Queen Andromeda is now this bad-ass warrior queen, killing a bunch of random folks. Apparently, that’s what gives Perseus a chubby, because he spends the rest of the movie making goofy eyes at her. Whatever…too little, too late.

Perseus’ actions seemed to be driven by more by a mid-life crisis, than any real desire to save the world. Several times, I expected a Danny Glover-style, “I’m too old for this shit!” He seemed vaguely interested in the welfare of his son, but even when his son’s life was in danger, he seemed to be dragging his feet. What a fucking dick.

The special effects were pretty neat, especially the M.C. Escher version of Tartarus. See, at least I had one positive thing to say about this turd.

Year – 2012
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 99 minutes
Genre – Turd Mythology
Director(s) – Jonathan Liebesman
Writer(s) – Dan Mazeau, David Johnson
Actor(s) – Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Édgar Ramírez, Toby Kebbell
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "You will learn someday that being half human, makes you stronger than a god." - Zeus (Liam Neeson)