Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies

There has been nothing on my TV but the Winter Olympics for the last 2 weeks…so why not just go with it and watch a movie full of Snowboarders? I’m talking Mountain Dew, baby! A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Feb 20, 2018 at 4:37pm PST Obviously, I was drawn in by the title […]

5 Headed Shark Attack

In case you’re wondering, there’s no 4 Headed Shark Attack movie – the franchise skips straight from 3 Headed Shark Attack to 5 Headed Shark Attack. This kind of makes sense…because for the first half of the movie, the shark only has 4 heads…but for no discernable reason, the shark sprouts a 5th head out […]

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

After destroying every landmark in America over the last four movies, the 5th Sharknado movie goes global, with the latest Sharknado erupting out of a cave beneath Stonehenge. There’s not much to the plot. The Sharknado came back and now it can teleport you to anywhere on the planet. Yup, it can pick you up […]

Trailer Park Shark

That Tara Reid, she sure does have bad luck with sharks. Tara Reid isn’t the only C-list celeb on board. The REAL star is Thomas Ian Nicholas, coincidentally Tara Reid’s boyfriend in American Pie. He’s the asskicking trailer park dude, who fixes everything with duct tape. Also, we’ve got Mr. Belding (the principal from Saved […]

Mississippi River Sharks

Two Londons for the price of one! Jason London (Dazed and Confused) stars as “himself” – a fictionalized version of the actor, who stars in the “Shark Bites” movie franchise. He must have a pretty good sense of humor, because he plays “himself” as an utter douchebag. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was […]

Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens

Why did Sharknado 4 have to open with a Star Wars-esque opening crawl? Was it because they gave Tara Reid a Light Saber hand? First there was a shark sandnado in Vegas, then a shark bouldernado in the Grand Canyon, followed by a shark oilnado/firenado in Texas. A shark lightningnado heads toward Kansas. Cue Wizard […]

Dam Sharks

That’s not a typo folks…those damn sharks are building dams…out of damn human bodies. I don’t even understand…how did sharks get into the river? How do they survive is freshwater – don’t sharks live in the ocean? Why are they building a dam out of corpses? I should know by now…the answers do not matter. […]

Zoombies

Exactly what you fucking think it is. Zombie. Zoo. Animals. Thanks to The Asylum, for going where no film has gone before. It starts when the capuchin monkeys come down with a nasty virus, turn into zomb-onkeys and go beserk. Of course, they escape and start zombifying the rest of the zoo population. Zombie giraffes […]

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Batman v Superman. Hollywood loves franchise mash-ups, although not quite as much as the SyFy channel – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, for example. And now SyFy brings us Lake Placid vs. Anaconda. Yancy Butler is back from so-called Final Chapter – I knew they were full of shit. Now […]

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Maybe I’m too snobby, but I wasn’t able to get into the movie because I was too distracted by the lack of continuity. In the opening submarine scene, Debbie Gibson’s fingernails are clearly bare…but in closeups of “her hands” operating the controls – the nails are black. Disgusting! The Mega Shark is identified as an […]