August 17, 2011
August 17, 2011
One of the stupidest movies ever. The film makers tried to combine the best of movies like the first Amityville with movies like the The Exorcist. What they did was combine fail with fail. Do you remember in Greatest American Hero when Mr Hinkley got his remedial English class to stage Romeo and Juliet? Their acting is like the acting in this movie. Any scene with interaction or dialogue is like watching Mr. H’s English class rehearse their lines. The problem is, the acting is the best thing about this movie.
It all starts when a charming lower middle class Italian American family moves into a giant haunted house in a place called Amityville. Too bad for them, there’s a filthy room under the house full of flies, stinking mud and demons. The first lesson of the film: Demons create plumbing problems. But no one cares. Leaking pipes have created a mud-filled room under the house, but we’re not going to worry about it. We like rotting sewer right next to where we do our laundry. Whatever.
There were a lot of parental guidance warnings before this movie. They lead one to expect a lot. Rape, incest, things like that. Sitting there watching the opening credits I couldn’t help but wonder what I was in for. There were going to be some intense dramatic moments in this one, I thought to myself. Better steel myself for the worst. Well what a let down. Sure lots of things are alluded to, are innuendoed. Whatever. No one bought their ticket to this thing so they could read between the lines. Why the hell am I sitting here if not to watch some incestuous rape? Come-on.
When everyone is killed it’s not really very interesting. After that the movie becomes The Exorcist: Part Dumb. The final sequence pays off marginally with some gory special effects. Then the movie’s over. Too bad, you think to yourself. I would have liked to turn that off sooner. I wish I could go back in time and watch something else. I hate 1982. Dino De Laurentiis Company, go fuck yourself.
Rating – R
Runtime – 100 minutes
Genre – Demonic Horror
Director(s) – Damiano Damiani
Writer(s) – Tommy Lee Wallace
Actor(s) – James Olson, Burt Young, Rutanya Alda, Jack Magner, Andrew Prine, Diane Franklin, Moses Gunn
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "Your Honor, it is my intention to prove that Sonny Montelli is a victim of demonic possession - that is, possession by the Devil - and therefore innocent of the charges placed against him." - The Lawyer (Ted Ross)