They always say that “You can’t go home again” – but Kevin Smith sure has made a career out of it, hasn’t he? He’s turned the characters from Clerks into a nice cottage industry. The guys from Clerks have their own animated series and comic book and then there’s Jay and Silent Bob. The general public has made it quite clear that they’re just not interested in films outside of the Askewniverse – shit, I haven’t seen Jersey Girl either. I can’t fault Smith for going with what he knows in making Clerks II. Nearly all the Indie directors from the 90s have gone back to the well for a sequel – Rodriguez brought back the Mariachi for Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Linklater called up Ethan Hawke for Before Sunset and Tarantino has basically been making the same film over and over again for years. Wes Anderson has done a good job of trying different things, but then again, he can’t do it without the Wilson brothers, can he?

Back to Clerks II…the Quik Stop burns to the ground. (Clerks was entirely shot in black and white, as if the whole film took place in Kansas, whereas Clerks II uses black and white as a framing device – bringing the “There’s no place like home” theme full circle.) Out of a job, Dante and Randal end up working at Mooby’s. The film jumps forward almost a year to Dante’s last day working at Mooby’s. He’s engaged to a rich bitch and about to move to Florida. Is there anything that could keep Dante in New Jersey? His job? His best friend? A Kinky donkey?

The Donkey Show – Kevin Smith is sure to have stolen the featured stunt from Jackass 3 right from underneath Johnny Knoxville with his Donkey Show Bachelor Party. I shed a tear for whatever poor animal ends up getting fucked in the next Jackass.

So Jay and Silent Bob are sober now, but they still sell drugs? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it still makes more sense than the fact that they are now born again christians and Silent Bob carries around a bible. I guess the events of Dogma had a delayed effect?

I love Elias! Wait, I hate Elias, but I love Randall’s neverending torture of Elias. Randal was right on about Lord of the Rings – those hobbits were total homos! Poor naive Elias. (Coincidentally, Pillow Pants is the best way to describe how I felt for the first two weeks after giving birth. It definitely felt like there was an evil biting troll living in my vagina.)

So did you notice that Kevin Smith’s daughter had a cameo? I didn’t have to wait for the credits to know that it was his kid – she looks JUST like him.

Clerks II was fairly entertaining, although the “I’ve learned something today” message at the end bored the shit out of me.

I’ve got high hopes for Smith’s next two projects – Zack and Miri Make A Porno (taking advantage of the Seth Rogen zeitgeist) and Red State (a horror movie about religious zealots). Neither seem likely to involve Jay and Silent Bob, but still sound really entertaining.