October 10, 1999

How this film got a PG-13 is beyond me. [Oops, I checked and see it was Rated R – my Bad!]

Mindless trash entertainment…but entertainment nonetheless. I was made to watch this crap late at night with Debra and April, feasting on Tom Thumb sushi and cheap beer. I didn’t pay to rent it, so I didn’t feel so bad. I had a good time watching it though. There’s nothing like talking back to the screen when a situation is beyond belief. And most of the situations in this film were way beyond belief…

I have never seen Dangerous Liaisons or Valmont, much less read the book, so I cannot compare the films. I was content to compare Cruel Intentions to all the teen films from my era. It’s no more shocking than Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Porky’s – except both of those films are rated R. As much as people complain about the censors these days, they sure are getting lax. This film should have been rated R. I’m not puritanical by any means, but the sheer amount of drug use, verbiage, lesbian kissing, dry humping, not to mention the actual sex scenes warrant an R rating. I would have no problem letting a 13 year old watch it, but the problem is that anyone can get into a PG-13 film.

The characters were shit, the acting was shit, the story was shit. Most of the dialogue was rather witty though. Some characters were underused, like the gay drug dealer played by some guy from Dawson’s Creek. They could have done so much more with that character – I would have paid big bucks to see a scene with him and Ryan Phillipe! Speaking of Ryan Phillipe, he is the sole reason for this film. I will watch pretty much any film with someone who has also been in a Gregg Araki flick. He’s pretty hot, even though he’s short. He can eat my chocolate anytime…

The ending sucked! It was the total Jawbreaker ending – total humiliation in front of the whole school. I admit, that’s every teen’s nightmare, but shit, they’ve never spent a night in a
Turkish prison. I would have like to have seen Kathryn end up in a Turkish prison. And why the hell did the blond chick end up with the car at the end? Did he write a will the day before he died or did she just steal it?

So go ahead and watch this film if one of your friends rents it, but sure as hell don’t pay for it yourself!


Year – 1999
Rating – R
Runtime – 97 minutes
Genre – Remake, Teen Movie
Director(s) – Roger Kumble
Writer(s) – Roger Kumble
Actor(s) – Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillipe, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Selma Blair, Joshua Jackson
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Email is for geeks and pedophiles." - Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillipe)