September 15, 2013

When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?

I don’t mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally – where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark’s ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.

Ghost Shark is everywhere – at the beach, at pool parties, on a Slip N Slide, at a bikini car wash…even in the drain. That’s right – Ghost Shark popped out of the pee trap under a sink and ate a plumber. Ghost Shark also visited a bubble bath, a sprinkler system…Ghost Shark even hid in a cup of water, which was, of course fatal to the drinker of said cup of water. Ghost Shark split that sonofabitch in half. Ghost Shark shoots out of fire hydrants and skulks through puddles. Ghost Shark will pop out of a toilet and suck your ass in like the worst meal from Golden Corral that you’ve ever had. When it rains…EVERYONE is fucked. There is no hiding from Ghost Shark.

SyFy is scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as stars go…Ghost Shark stars Bull from Night Court and the littlest Camden from 7th Heaven. (Side note: I fucking HATED 7th Heaven. There is not a single positive thing to be said about that sanctimonious pile of shit show. End of side note.)

Meh. I don’t foresee a Ghost Shark 2. I have high hopes for Robocroc and Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators, though.

Year – 2013
Rating –
Runtime – 84 minutes
Genre – SyFy Sharks
Director(s) – Griff Furst
Writer(s) – Eric Forsberg, Griff Furst, Paul A. Birkett
Actor(s) – Mackenzie Rosman, Richard Moll, Dave Randolph-Mayhem Davis, Sloane Coe, Lucky Johnson
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "The cave brings things back. It don't take em away!" - Mr. Finch (Richard Moll)

2 thoughts on “Ghost Shark

  1. ghost shark was not great
    Ghost shark was not a good movie. Although the scene where the guy gets split in half is sort of OK. But then why wasn’t ghost shark just haunting everyone’s blood, since the average person is 50-60% water? Why was ghost shark even bothering to hop in glasses of water or ride in rain drops? And there were tons of boring scenes that could have been deleted from the script without losing any damn thing. As for Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators, I just couldn’t get into it. The characters were just too thinly drawn and stupid, and gators are just not sharks. However, if you want quality, watch Jersey Shore Shark Attack. That one’s a winner.

  2. Another comment
    Hey, so somehow I missed your review of Jersey Shore Shark Attack (just read it). I do think it’s a bit better than your review indicates just because of the comedic elements that work well. However, I do wholeheartedly agree that the movie should have had a Blood Monkey ending, which was a terrible movie with a satisfying ending.

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