December 23, 2011

I DVRed this film based on the title alone. I figured that since it wasn’t on Skinemax – it wasn’t soft core porn, but since it was on SyFy, I was risking missing some gore. I shouldn’t have worried…there was a considerable amount of gore left in the film.

The Midnight Meat Train is the New York Subway System, inhabited by a rather messy serial killer. While trying to poorly emulate Diane Arbus, Bradley Cooper stumbles upon more than than he bargained for. Initially trying to take gritty photographs of homeless people, he realizes there is something more sinister afoot when one of his subjects disappears. The film was utterly predictable, with no shocking moments. It was a good background movie for wrapping Christmas presents, but that’s about it.

The most offensive part of this film is the fact that Bradley Cooper’s character carries around a tupperware container of tofu, expecting the short order cook at his girlfriend’s diner to fry it for him. What kind of douchebag carries around tofu? Tofu is not sexy and I would argue that tofu is not actually food…Miso notwithstanding.

So yeah, Bradley Cooper is the star of the film, but it never saw a wide release. The film was made right before The Hangover, so how could the producers know that they were making a film starring 2011’s sexiest man alive? The film also stars Vinnie Jones and Brooke Shields, the type of folks you would expect in a SyFy movie. And Ted Raimi! And Ted Raimi’s eyeball!

Not until I was checking out the film on IMDb, did I realize that the film is based on a Clive Barker short story from Books of Blood. I know I’ve read Books of Blood, but I don’t remember the story at all. (Maybe that’s why I found the movie so predictable?) …brief pause… OK, so I just found Books of Blood on my bookshelf. I’ll be re-reading The Midnight Meat Train today to refresh my memory.


Year – 2008
Rating – R
Runtime – 98 minutes
Genre – Horror
Director(s) – Ryûhei Kitamura
Writer(s) – Jeff Buhler, Clive Barker
Actor(s) – Bradley Cooper, Vinnie Jones, Brooke Shields, Leslie Bibb, Roger Bart
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Life is like a box of chocolates!" - Guardian Angel (Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson)