Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep watching crappy Lifetime biopics? Am I getting so close to middle age that I just can’t stop myself?

I’d like to say that I never watched Saved by the Bell when it was originally on, but as a child of the 80s, it was hard to avoid. As cartoons faded away, all there was to watch for a kid without cable was stuff like Saved by the Bell. At least I can say I never experienced a “Zack Attack”.

The film is nominally based on Screech’s autobiography, so needless to say – it’s mostly bullshit and full of sour grapes. The film is told from Screech’s point of view and makes the case that Zack secretly bleached his own hair and loved Lisa, Jessie thought she was a serious actress, Slater was drowning in pussy, and Screech was jealous of all of them. Except for Screech, the casting was HORRIBLE. It’s like they didn’t even bother watching the show before casting all these kids.

I was full of shame as I watched this…but not quite as much shame as when I watched Inside the Osmonds.

At least I didn’t fall for Lifetime’s trap and watch the Brittany Murphy biopic that tries to infer she was murdered…haven’t fallen for it YET.