October 11, 2008

Every once in a while, my husband will surprise me by DVRing horrible films for me to review. With a title like ‘Vegas Vampires,’ there’s no way he could pass this one up – it had to be total shit. In fact, it’s so shitty that I had to narrow it down to a top ten list.

10. The Title – how lazy can you get?

9. The Musical Cameo (K-Ci and Jo Jo) – they must have needed to fill screen time. There were a bunch of other rappers, too.

8. The Ugly Fat Baldwin Brother from Celebrity Rehab.

7. Only one scene with boobies – and it was 53 minutes into the fucking film.

6. The acting – so, so bad.

5. Blurring out all the logos on the cast’s clothes…and since they’re ALL rappers – that is every single article of clothing. Fucking irritating.

4. Zombies – why put zombies in a vampire movie? Or maybe they were vampire zombies – no, that doesn’t make any sense either.

3. The special effects – I think they used Photoshop.

2. The vampire hunting nun that rips off her habit to reveal a leather bustier – I am not making this up.

1. The Fred Williamson/Richard Roundtree vampire ass-kicking scene. (Actually, this scene was so cringeworthy that it was actually the best thing about the whole film.)

I could go on, but why?

Year – 2003
Rating –
Runtime – 89 minutes
Genre – Blaxploitation Horror
Director(s) – Fred Williamson
Writer(s) – Don Abernathy
Actor(s) – Tommy 'Tiny' Lister, Richard Roundtree, Eric Etebari, Daniel Baldwin, Fred Williamson
BOB Rating – ZERO BOBs
Favorite Quote –