2001 Maniacs

The South shall rise again. Preferably with a taste for human flesh. Robert Englund stars in this remake of Two Thousand Maniacs! – H. G. Lewis’ classic tale of Confederate Cannibalism. The story is essentially the same – Brigadoon plus Blood Feast. Eight Northerners get lost on their way to Spring Break and opt to […]

Ghoulies II

Although I rented Ghoulies II shortly after it came out on video, absolutely the only thing I remember about it was the scene in which a guy sits down on the john and a Ghoulie pops out and presumably munches on his dangling genitalia. Almost 20 years later, that’s still the only thing memorable about […]

Eight Legged Freaks

Starring David Arquette, my third favorite Arquette. David is only my third favorite Arquette because he still has a penis, unlike my first favorite Arquette, Alexis. He also was not in Stigmata, Flirting with Disaster or A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors like my second favorite Arquette. David gets third status based on […]

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

I’ve had that song “Black Betty” stuck in my head for weeks now. A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Feb 10, 2018 at 11:57am PST Non sequitur – I know. But “Black Betty” plays a significant part in this film. I don’t think I’ll be able to hear “Black Betty” again without thinking of […]

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers

A campy film about summer camp. I’ve always been strangely intrigued by summer camps films, probably because I never went. Except for the more serious first one, the Sleepaway Camp films fall somewhere halfway between Meatballs and Friday the 13th. Plenty of killings, but they’re so ridiculous, that you can’t stop laughing. This installment gets […]

A Mighty Wind

Wha’ Happened? I think my expectations were too high. Best in Show was so goddamned funny that I was expecting A Mighty Wind to be a howler as well. Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty funny, but tears were never running down my face as I was doubled over in laughter. I guess the […]

Sorority Boys

Well. I think I have come to an important conclusion. Any movie that comes on at 9ish on a Sunday night will be crap. Most of them are so crappy that they don’t even rate reviews. (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, I’m looking at you.) A few are pretty stinky, but still good enough to rate […]

Terror Firmer

Vile. This is the vilest film I have ever seen. So, of course, I liked it. I had been waiting to see it for a while. It never came out into the theaters in Dallas, I checked. It just came out on video/dvd in January, so I tried to order it from Amazon. Hopelessly back […]

Never Too Young to Die

Goddamn, this sucked. This is a pointless, horrible film. John Stamos plays a high school gymnast, turned spy due to his father’s murder. He is out to get his father’s killer, Ragnar. Ragnar is a hermaphrodite played by none other than Gene Simmons. GENE SIMMONS! Ragnar looks like a cross between Divine, Cher and Frank […]

Cecil B. DeMented

Life is like a crab cake? Last night, I crept to the UA Cine all by myself to see John Water’s latest film. It was a week later than I would have liked to see it…but that’s another story entirely. I am glad that I was alone – I wouldn’t have wanted to explain what […]