June 4, 2013

WARNING – teenagers dry humping in the forest can summon demons.

That’s right…those poor teenagers didn’t even get to have sex. They barely got to second base and things went to shit.

What the pastor (Bruce Davison sure is busy these days!) in the film calls “demonic oppression” seems to be the symptoms of being a teenager. As far as I can tell, ALL teenagers are suffering from “demonic oppression.” As a matter of fact, I’m a grown ass woman and I might be suffering from “demonic oppression.” I guess dry humping my husband in the woods wouldn’t work, since we’re married and all. Fuck…how can I go about stirring up some demons in the wooded area behind my house? Maybe if I play some devil music really, really loud…

If I was Jesse Eisenberg, I would be pissed off about being used to market this movie, too. He was in only in the film for a grand total of 2 minutes. Those 2 minutes did not make any sense, either.

Wanna hear the kicker? As the film ends, the audience is informed that this film was “Based on True Events.” After a gigglesnort, I did some googling and found that the director based it on the fucked up super-Catholic summer camp he was forced to attend as a child. I gigglesnort no more. I initially had no idea if the maker of the film was serious or not when he made this film, but after reading that, I can see that he was as serious as a fucking heart attack. I have no doubt that fucked up things happened at that summer camp. I only went to church camp once, but since I was raised Episcopal, it was pretty mild. The most torturous thing that I remember was being made to watch The Hiding Place without a potty break. Oh, and this kid named Bill trying to get us to smoke pine needles. I consider myself pretty lucky that lip-syncing to Tiffany was the most horrifying thing that I remember about church camp. Reading that interview makes me understand the film a bit more, but unfortunately, it doesn’t make the film any less boring either.


Year – 2010
Rating – R
Runtime – 99 minutes
Genre – Church Horror
Director(s) – George VanBuskirk
Writer(s) – George VanBuskirk
Actor(s) – Dana Delany, Andrew McCarthy, Will Denton, Bruce Davison, Christopher Denham
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "There's no hope, only God's will." - Daniel (Jesse Eisenberg)