October 12, 2007

There is not SHIT on TV on Sunday mornings. That’s my story and I am sticking to it…how else can I explain sitting through an entire movie on the Lifetime Movie Network?

I wish I could say that I was hungover like my houseguest…but I wasn’t. As the designated/impregnated driver the night before, I merely woke up with tired as hell after getting about 3 hours of sleep. I did have a headache – does that count?

Tracey Gold stars as the titular “face of evil” – between her and Meredith Baxter-Birney, they’ve got the Lifetime Movie Market cornered. I missed the first 10 minutes of the film, but I figured out that she killed an art student in an airport bathroom and stole her identity. She gets on a plane with the dead body in her checked luggage. Huh? Her roommate is Shawnee Smith – she’s pretty stupid and doesn’t suspect anything…at first. Not until Tracey fucks her dad, anyway. It’s so sad that it takes actual father-fucking for her to realize that her roommate is nuts. She started to get a little suspicious after the pizza spiked with rat poison, but she really didn’t start to put the pieces together until she caught Tracey feeling up her dad, who is played by one of the guys from Riptide. Does it really matter which one? Either way, it’s gross.

The whole thing felt rather familiar from the get go. I quickly realized that it was because there is not an original thing about the film. From beginning to end, it’s a complete amalgamation of the plots of Poison Ivy and Poison Ivy II. Those are pretty crummy movies to begin with – why even bother ripping them off?

This movie made me sad to be alive.

Year – 1996
Rating –
Runtime – 87 minutes
Genre – Lifetime Movie
Director(s) – Mary Lambert
Writer(s) – Gregory Goodell
Actor(s) – Tracey Gold, Perry King, Shawnee Smith, Don Harvey, Brigitta Dau
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote –