Freddy Vs. Jason

August 26, 2003

Where was all the blood? There was more blood in the credit sequence than in the whole rest of the movie! I’ve been waiting for this movie for almost a decade and that’s all the blood I get?

Regardless, it was a decent flick. It was about what I had expected. Freddy was his usual witty self and Jason was his usual mute psychotic self. I expected Freddy to bit a bit funnier. Ronny Yu was responsible for Bride of Chucky, possibly one of the funniest slasher flicks ever made! There was definitely more humor to be had in this situation.

I was not prepared, however, to see Freddy the rapist. He was pretty nasty in previous films, but he was a total sex criminal in this one. It’s one thing for him to be banging a dead chick – it’s not necrophilia if you’re both dead – but he was really about to get it on with Lori. Man, I wish he would have!

Yes, that skank from Destiny’s Child dies. Unfortunately, it’s not soon enough for my taste. “How sweet, dark meat” has got to be one of the most bizarre things to ever come out of Freddy’s mouth.

The character of Freeburg is a total ripoff of Jay, as in Jay and Silent Bob. They made the character as much like Jay as the could without getting their asses sued off by Kevin Smith. And what was up with the Freddy Caterpillar? That was the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in a Freddy movie. If I was worried about Psycho Killers, the last thing I’d fucking do is accept a bong hit from a fucking caterpillar!

There will be a sequel. Notwithstanding the fact that the ending is left wide open for a sequel, the box office performance alone is ensuring that a sequel will be made. When was the last time a slasher flick was number one at the box office for 2 weeks in a row? I was probably still wetting the bed the last time that happened. Okay, maybe that’s not as narrow a time frame as I am looking for…Anyway, I’ve heard rumors that there has been talking of teaming Jason and Freddy up against Ash. Yes, that Ash. Evil Dead Ash. I doubt Bruce Campbell would ever go for it, but you never know if he might have some bills to pay. For my money, I’d like to see a full on Tag Team Death Match – Freddy and Jason Vs. Chucky and The Leprechaun. A girl can dream, can’t she?