July 20, 2018

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Did they really start off the film with that horrible CGI of Superman’s face?

Raise your hand if you thought Superman was going to stay dead…If any of you have your hands raised, then I assure you, Spider-Man, Black Panther and Starlord will also be staying dead.

Bruce Wayne’s dialogue is so ridiculously cliched that I was literally finishing his sentences under my breath…and annoying my family the whole time. That’s not Batfleck’s fault, of course…but his delivery is atrocious. He just needs to STOP. Shockingly, my husband likes him as middle aged Batman. Sure, I agree he’s better than George Clooney and Val Kilmer, but not much. Maybe I’m just biased against Nanny-Fuckers?

Honestly, it’s not all horrible. Aquaman is…well, Jason Momoa, in all his…Momoa-ness? His cocky Aquaman was the perfect counterpoint to both Batfleck’s snooty rich attitude and Aquaman’s longstanding reputation as a punching bag for fish jokes. I don’t know exactly where it all started, but it was long before the internet. Those fish jokes aren’t so funny now, are they? Also, what was the point of Amber Heard as Mera? 30 seconds of her bitching at him for no good reason?

I was also delighted by The Flash. I’d never even heard of Ezra Miller before, but he quickly became my favorite new member of the Justice League. I LIVED for those Pet Semetary references. Laughs override sex appeal sometimes. Only sometimes, though.

Somehow I missed the memo that the Big Bad was Steppenwolf – even though my nephew had asked for a Steppenwolf for Xmas, which I was unable to locate. I tend to be kind of oblivious. I was, however, disappointed by the lack of magic carpet rides.

Oh! So my son informed me that we missed an end credits scene. I thought DC wasn’t doing that??? I looked it up on YouTube, because Alcide…yuck! What the fuck is that yellow hair about? Do. Not. Want.

So, all in all, Justice League isn’t the worst DCEU film. It’s a bit better than Suicide Squad and MUCH better than Batman v. Superman. I have no desire to ever watch it again though. Glad I did not spend money on it.

Year – 2017
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 120 minutes
Genre – DC Comics
Director(s) – Zack Snyder
Writer(s) – Chris Terrio, Joss Whedon
Actor(s) – Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Yeah, I... I need... friends. People are difficult, they require a lot of focus. They, uh... they have a rhythm that I haven't quite been able to - like brunch! What is brunch? You wait in line for an hour for, essentially, lunch. I mean... I don't know. People are... a little slow." - Barry Allen (Ezra Miller)