Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

December 31, 2008

Three hours of my life that I will never get back. At least I broke it up into an hour apiece on three different days.

It’s like they decided what special effects they wanted to do and then pieced together a plot to string the special effects together. Compounding that, it’s been so long since I saw the second one, that I could barely remember what the hell was going on anyway. Every one kept double-crossing each other to the point that I couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going on. That’s the point I realized that it didn’t matter what each pirate’s personal motivations are – my job as the viewer is to sit there and look at the pretty pictures.

I had an uncomfortable “Don’t be THAT guy” moment last week. At a party, friend (Justin, late of the legendary 8 nevers was considering watching At World’s End, based on the appearance of Chow Yun-Fat. My response was, “Don’t bother, he dies.” Oh my God, I’m an asshole! In my defense, I was fairly drunk off my ass – but still no excuse for revealing plot points to the unwilling. I can’t feel too bad though, maybe I did him a favor if he never has to waste three hours of his life watching this dumb pirate movie. In any case, karma got me back yesterday. My cousin accidentally told me that it was a computer doing it in Eagle Eye. [EDITED TO SPOILORIZE – SORRY SCOTTICUS]

By the end of the film, every time Johnny Depp was on screen, my son would point at the screen and say, “Mommy, there’s my favorite pirate!” I guess I should be proud – I’d be worried about him if his favorite pirate was Orlando Bloom.

I finally realized why Keira Knightley is in these films – she looks like she has scurvy!

The good news is that it’s not any worse than the second one. The bad news is that it isn’t any better either. So I guess they’re making a 4th movie about the Fountain of Youth? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Year – 2007
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 168 minutes
Genre – Sequel to 2 crappy movies based on Disney rides
Director(s) – Gore Verbinski
Writer(s) – Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio
Actor(s) – Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness." - Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp)