Shrek Forever After

I felt so uncomfortable watching the beginning of this film with my kids…what if they knew that I feel like Shrek sometimes? As far as I know, my son is no junior psychotherapist…he didn’t pick up any tension as I squirmed in my seat, commiserating with Shrek’s plight. What parent doesn’t reminisce about how cool […]

Sharktopus fucking tried to eat me!

Sharktopus

Sharktopus is not picky. Sharktopus will eat sharks, old boat painters, bungee jumpers, surfer dudes, Volkswagens…Sharktopus is nasty! Sharktopus just doesn’t give a fuck. Sharktopus escapes from a Navy funded super-secret genetic lab in Long Beach. Sharktopus wants a fucking vacation, so Sharktopus heads to Puerto Vallarta. Crazy, nasty ass Sharktopus wants some Mexican food. […]

G-Force

I will never, EVER, complain about The Squeakquel again. Compared to G-Force, The Squeakquel is like the Citizen Kane of CGI rodent shenanigans movies. Zach Galifianakis plays a “scientist” that leads a band of secret agent guinea pigs…stop laughing, I’m not making this up! The secret agent guinea pigs are trying to save the world […]

Howard the Duck

For the second movie night, my son was given a choice between Space Chimps and Howard the Duck – Howard the Duck won. While I giggled with glee, my husband just groaned. Holy shit, this movie was worse than I remembered. Like The Pirate Movie, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and Earth Girls are […]

Bee Movie

Jerry Seinfeld brings children a movie about “bee-stiality.” Oh, come on, it was funny! Don’t you appreciate puns? Bee Movie is one of the worst films that I have been subjected to (recently) through my children. It’s simply horrible and full of misinformation about simple ecological processes. Plants don’t just die when they are not […]

Shrek the Third

“Willy Wonka” might be about to lose his place as my son’s favorite movie. “Shrek Babies” was the overwhelming favorite over the holidays. My son was the fortunate recipient of all three Shrek movies, courtesy of Grandpa and Grandma. I tried to go the logical route and start him off watching Shrek, but he was […]

Shrek 2

How do a donkey and a dragon have sex? I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that one. Seriously, I cannot figure it out. On to less disturbing subjects…Shrek 2 picks up immediately after the end of Shrek with Shrek and Fiona’s honeymoon. (Okay, maybe implied Ogre-sex on the beach isn’t less disturbing.) […]

Meet the Feebles

I am from the ‘Muppet Show’ era. My favorite episode was the one with Liza Minnelli. In it, she and that big ugly monster (that I can never remember the name of) did a musical number to Copacabana. Imagine Liza Minnelli naked on rollerskates, smoking crack while the big ugly monster sells acid to schoolchildren […]