Dam Sharks

That’s not a typo folks…those damn sharks are building dams…out of damn human bodies. I don’t even understand…how did sharks get into the river? How do they survive is freshwater – don’t sharks live in the ocean? Why are they building a dam out of corpses? I should know by now…the answers do not matter. […]

3 Headed Shark Attack

If two heads are better than one, are three heads better than two? So…the 3 Headed Shark is angered by ocean pollution, but it eats the sea garbage, which drives it insane and it starts attacking. This movie makes no fucking sense. It is also somehow a sequel to 2 Headed Shark Attack, but HOW??? […]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

You know, if Mark Cuban ran for president, I’d probably vote for him. Sure, he’s as big a dick as Trump, but he hasn’t filed for bankruptcy half a dozen times. That being said, I’d probably vote for David Hasselhoff before any of the assholes we have running right now. In the first movie, Sharknado […]

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

First the Mega Shark fought a Giant Octopus. Then there was the Crocosaurus. Next, the Mecha Shark. And now…Kolossus. Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it’s made out of meat? It’s like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon […]

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Batman v Superman. Hollywood loves franchise mash-ups, although not quite as much as the SyFy channel – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, for example. And now SyFy brings us Lake Placid vs. Anaconda. Yancy Butler is back from so-called Final Chapter – I knew they were full of shit. Now […]

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Maybe I’m too snobby, but I wasn’t able to get into the movie because I was too distracted by the lack of continuity. In the opening submarine scene, Debbie Gibson’s fingernails are clearly bare…but in closeups of “her hands” operating the controls – the nails are black. Disgusting! The Mega Shark is identified as an […]

Robocroc

Robocroc takes place in a magical place where a zoo, recreational lake, water park and ATV track are all within walking, actually swimming distance. Where is this magical place? I want to vacation there! Actually, NO. I do not want to vacation there, because the water supplies ate all connected…which means the lake that contains […]

Sharknado 2 : The Second One

I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it – after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream […]

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators

In the world of SyFy Movies, it is often the title alone that sells a film. Not only does the title have to be catchy or alliterative, but it also must tell the viewer what the film is about. How disappointing would it be if Sharknado wasn’t about a tornado full of sharks? No worries […]

Shark Assault

Shark Assault (AKA Shark Week) is a rip-off of Saw, except all the “games” include sharks. Patrick Bergin (best known for stalking Julia Roberts) is Mr. Tiburon (shark en espanol), a crazy old coot bent on avenging his son’s death. He kidnaps those he feels contributed to his son’s death and forces them into bizarre […]