July 23, 2015

First the Mega Shark fought a Giant Octopus. Then there was the Crocosaurus. Next, the Mecha Shark. And now…Kolossus.

Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it’s made out of meat? It’s like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon to check out the slices…What a coincidence that this giant robot happened to be released near Chernobyl at the exact time that Mega Shark needs a good ass kicking?

I was somewhat amused by Team Unicorn’s cameo in the beginning of the film. I just happened to recognize Clare Grant – Seth Green’s wife. What? I guess I stalk him on Instagram and have seen A LOT of pictures of her.

Illeana Douglas is the only somewhat known star in the film. I’ve always liked her as the quirky sister or best friend. Now she’s playing the quirky scientist. Watching her try to explain Mega Shark parthenogenesis was easily the highlight of a somewhat boring entry in the Mega Shark series.

Unfortunately, the week leading up to Sharknado 3 is full of bad shark movies…and we’re DVRing every single one of them. Consider yourself WARNED.

Year – 2015
Rating – NR
Runtime – 89 minutes
Genre – Shark Shit
Director(s) – Christopher Ray
Writer(s) – Edward DeRuiter
Actor(s) – Illeana Douglas, Amy Rider, Brody Hutzler, Adam Dunnells, Edward DeRuiter
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "It is a simple beast...and we are ringing the dinner bell." - Dr. John Bullock (Jeff Hatch)