Alvin and the Chipmunks

December 22, 2008

Ooh ee ooh ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang.

That is the exact point that I stopped being okay with this film – the remake of my favorite Chipmunk song ever. Do juvenile chipmunks *really* need skanky back-up dancers? I thought that was what The Chipettes were for? Coincidentally, The Chipettes will be featured in the upcoming sequel. Meh.

Jason Lee makes yet another kid-friendly film. Hey – at least it’s better than Underdog, although the Chipmunks are also suspiciously genital-free. Lee was a surprisingly good choice for David Seville. He got the “Alvinnnnnnnnn!” yell just right.

The romance element was stupid. That girl was at least 15 years too young for Jason Lee – did he find her while trolling the high schools? I thought I recognized her, but I couldn’t figure out where from. The only thing that stood out on imdb was Point Pleasant, some godawful FOX show from a few years ago – my husband tried to watch it until it was canceled, it was just pointless.

So what was the point of getting a big name like Justin Long to play Alvin? It’s not like his voice acting is at all recognizable when it’s all speeded (is that even a word?) up like that. He doesn’t have kids to impress or $cientology bills to pay like Jason Lee does, so he must need the money. Maybe he picked up a coke habit from hanging around with Kirsten Drunkst? I suppose Jesse McCartney is a big name with girls that don’t need training bras yet – first I ever saw of him was on Thanksgiving – I don’t remember if it was on a float or during a football game – I just remember everyone trying to figure out who the fuck he was.

So I haven’t decided whether or not the fued between David Cross and Patton Oswalt over this film is real or not. If it is real, I’m torn over who to side with. Patton does have a point – being the bad guy in a kid’s film is a kinda shit role – but then again, his attitude can sometimes be just on the self righteous side of snobby. Sure, Ratatouille is fucking great film and he deserves to be proud of his involvement, but not at the expense of his fellow working comedians. It’s not like he personally won an Oscar for it. Also, being in Chipmunk movie is hardly the most D-list thing that David Cross has been involved in – that would be the Celebrity Poker Tournament. Alvin & The Chipmunks is certainly a step up? Even though Patton clarified and apologized, Team Cross!

As much as I complained about the film, I still bought the soundtrack for my son for Christmas. I’d much rather listen to Alvin & The Chipmunks than Barney, The Wiggles or fucking Elmo Sings the Blues. I’ll just quietly skip over the remake of ‘Witch Doctor’ and he won’t be the wiser. (I also got him an animatronic baby chipmunk. I guess it’s a good thing he can’t read yet, huh? This review sure would ruin Christmas.)