Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Chupacabras…Erik Estrada…Texas landmarks…it’s like the SyFy Channel is making movies just for me! The SyFy formula is in full effect. Erik Estrada plays a widowed DEA Agent. His estranged son is a gangbanger and his daughter is a sullen teenager. At least he doesn’t buy her a chupacabra as a graduation present. His daughter encounters […]

Flying Monkeys

Oz the Great and Powerful opened last week, but we weren’t able to fit it into our schedule…so we watched the next best thing – Flying Monkeys, courtesy of the SyFy Channel. The plot follows the tried and true SyFy formula…mysterious beasties invade a town, kill half the population, but then are killed in a […]

Bigfoot

I saw this movie so long ago, I don’t even know where to start. Alice Cooper gets killed by Bigfoot. That’s pretty much all you need to know about this movie to make you want to watch it. (That’s not a spoiler – it was in the commercial.) Since Tiffany and Debbie Gibson smearing cake […]

Piranhaconda

Piranhaconda may be one of the best portmanteau names for a man-eating creature (the best are Sharktopus, of course, and maybe Mansquito), but it sure as hell is NOT one of the best movies about a man-eating creature. This movie was soooooooo boring. Michael Madsen is usually an un-boring actor, but his portrayal of a […]

Snakes on a Train

I do not like snakes on my plane. I do not like snakes on my train. I do not like snakes in my mouth. I do not like snakes biting me down south. I do not like snakes – one little bit. I do not like this movie either – it sucks total shit. Snakes […]

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus

I was disappointed that not a single character uttered the immortal line, “Did I do that?” How could they hire Steve Urkel without acknowledging his status as the 3rd greatest nerd ever? (In case you’re wondering, Lewis Skolnick and Farmer Ted are 1st and 2nd.) I can’t argue with The Asylum’s formula, washed-up stars from […]

Sharktopus fucking tried to eat me!

Sharktopus

Sharktopus is not picky. Sharktopus will eat sharks, old boat painters, bungee jumpers, surfer dudes, Volkswagens…Sharktopus is nasty! Sharktopus just doesn’t give a fuck. Sharktopus escapes from a Navy funded super-secret genetic lab in Long Beach. Sharktopus wants a fucking vacation, so Sharktopus heads to Puerto Vallarta. Crazy, nasty ass Sharktopus wants some Mexican food. […]

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

If you had asked me back in 6th grade who would win in a catfight, I totally would have picked Tiffany over Debbie Gibson. I never thought the day would actually come when I would get to SEE a Tiffany/Debbie Gibson catfight…complete with them smearing cake all over each other’s breasts… The Asylum is back […]

Mongolian Death Worm

What is the Mongolian Death Worm? A parasite you might catch from a hooker in Ulan Bator? A new sushi roll at Todai? The title of Dethklok’s newest album? A pet name for my husband’s penis? Maybe a new ride at Six Flags? A brand new SyFy Original Movie, starring Young Indiana Jones? There are […]

Mega Piranha

I should’ve known that between The Soup and Web Soup, I’d already seen all the good parts of this film. Speaking of one the best parts, the part when the piranha ass-kicker shoots a helicopter pilot in the face with a flare gun, oh yeah while the guy is FLYING the helicopter he’s in…I managed […]