May 26, 2013

Not enough farts. Definitely needed more farts.

Just kidding, there were plenty of farts in The Haunted Trailer – farts in practically every scene. I love farts. My best friend also loves farts. (When we get together with some Burger King Onion Rings…watch out!) My eight year old son loves farts, probably because he is eight years old, but also because he is my son. Really, who DOESN’T love farts? If you say you don’t love farts, you’re LYING. Farts make the world go around.

Oh yeah, we were talking about The Haunted Trailer…we were lucky enough to catch a showing at Frightmare a few weeks ago. Every year, it’s our goal to find a film that will equal Black Devil Doll. Last year, we were left disappointed, finding nothing that could equal the greatness of Mubia Abul-Jama. This year, we hit gold…brown gold. To think we almost missed The Haunted Trailer! We accidentally ended up in the showing of The Last Something of Rosalind Somebody and as soon as they started introducing it so earnestly as a masterpiece, we got the fuck out of there. Luckily, we didn’t miss any of The Haunted Trailer…

I’ll be honest, Ron Jeremy was the main draw for The Haunted Trailer. Anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about The Hedgehog. I’ll watch anything with The Hedgehog. We even own a copy of John Bobbitt Uncut. So it goes without saying that the Haunted Trailer was a must-see. We were pleasantly surprised at how hilarious it was. Even without Ron, it would have been a winner. Demons…trailer trash…farting – it’s like this film was made for us. A trailer trash family must battle a demon with a familiar name (well, familiar if you’ve ever drank the water in Mexico) that has taken up residence in their single-wide. I’ll leave the description at that – I don’t want to ruin the shocking lengths this family must go to to remove this demon from their home. You’ll laugh…you’ll groan…you’ll shit your pants.

I was proud to find out that this film was created right in my backyard. My heart swells with pride to know that there are other people like me, living stealthily in my community, making quality entertainment. We’re hidden in plain sight, taking our kids to the same parks as you, shopping at the same stores and eating at the same restaurants. The only difference is that when we have to fart, we don’t run to the bathroom and hide. No, we’re proud of our digestive systems. We don’t shy away from the amazing way our bodies have evolved to efficiently remove the build-up of methane. We let it rip, have a laugh and move on. Someday, there’ll be more of us than there are of you…

I can describe this film in one sentence. Pink Flamingos meets Poltergeist. When this film comes out on DVD, I’ll be shoving it down the throat of anyone I can find.

Year – 2012
Rating –
Runtime – 90 minutes
Genre – Horror
Director(s) – Chuck Norfolk
Writer(s) – Chuck Norfolk, Steven Scott Norfolk, Tim Norfolk
Actor(s) – Ron Jeremy, Joe Grisaffi, Jeremy James Douglas Norton, Jacob Byrd, Lauren Leal
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "I don't need you in here, midwifing this turd!" - Mama (Joe Grisaffi)